Friday, September 28, 2012

Poker Face

     My poker face sucks!  In fact, I do not even have a poker face. My face can always give me away - you'll know how I'm feeling because I can't hide it; and if I'm trying to hide it I usually cop out with laughter.

getting my feet sucked at by little fishies does this to my face...
Didn't even realize I was making this face, but  it fits, no? 
     Yep, whether it's uncomfortable laughter, happy laughter or 'I don't know what to say' laughter, it's my go-to to cover up for shyness, anger, nausea, irritation, discomfort... basically any emotion I have.

Pure joy doesn't look too good on my face... but here it is
     In a way this is perfect for the career I chose while in school, I was a theater major (dance minor, emotion helps out SO much in dance as well).  But the raw human, Jodi emotion usually only comes pure when I'm not under pressure or nervous, which I would assume is a general rule for most people.  You can express yourself perfectly while being spontaneous in a real- life situation, but as soon as you have to perform, you lose all of your honest spontaneity.  Well I think (hope) even under pressure, if it's a character I can really play and feel, you will get very unguarded expressions flashing across my face.  the best part is when I don;t know I'm giving myself away and people call me out on it.
A Tale of Two Cities the Musical
     Theater has helped in its own way with that though, I've gotten very good at white lying to people.  Not that I make a habit of it, but when people ask me things like 'isn't my new bf so cute' or don;t you just love this song?' I usually go with a less enthusiastic yes, or try saying things like 'I love his eyes' or 'it's got a good beat'.  So I'm not really lying, just more so avoiding the truth and covering it with a wanting in enthusiasm 'yeah..'.

Being a whore suits me, don't you think? :P
     Why do I bother blogging about these things I'm wondering now.  Well, cause I can be a lot more honest when I'm typing versus talking to someone directly.  Ideally people who want to get to know me better, the real me, can read these and learn much more about me then by actually talking with me.  Especially if I'm nervous or trying to impress you... I tend to get loud and annoying and cop out with my oh so charming facetious remarks; usually playing out in sexual jokes, references, double double entendre's and 'that's what she said' comments.

     I guess I want to apologize to any of you that have had to suffer through those moments.  I know I have some very dear friends that have had to sit through seeing me try and be flirty with a guy and failing miserably!  So I thank you all who have dealt with that! :D

 <3 always,

Friday, September 7, 2012

Never Give Up on Love

"Piper and Leo's love has touched us all!"
     There's a reason I will never give up on love.  I've been hurt many times, endured a lot of crap and wear my heart on my sleeve, but I will never give up on love.

     I want to be romanced and I want chivalry in my life... well in my love life.

     I've been re-watching episodes of "Charmed", one of my favorite tv shows growing up.  Piper was always my favorite sister, probably because I related to her the most.  She looked the most like me, and behaved the most like me.  I always dreamed that I would be cast as her daughter in the shows, before it ended, of course.
     I was watching an episode in season 1 where Piper swaps powers with her whitelighter, Leo, the man she loves, in order to heal him and save his life.  The catch is, she doesn't know how to use his power to heal, she can't find the 'trigger' as they call it in order to heal him.  At this point she is the only one who can save him, and he's fading fast.
     Love is the trigger to using Leo's power to heal, but unless Piper admits to herself that she really does love him, she cannot heal him.  She tries everything to heal him, except admitting she loves Leo because she's scared that if she loses him, it will hurt more if she admits that she really loves him.

The Charmed ones (after Prue died and it got better!)  
     Ironic, isn't it?  Love is what was needed to save Leo, but because she was scared of being hurt, she holds back her love.  The lesson is learned when Piper thinks Leo  is actually dead.  She starts to cry and tells him she loves him; that's when the healing power starts to work.  Piper is able to fully heal Leo.  It's a really great episode and always makes me cry, and constantly reminds me why I will never close off my heart to love.

      I will need time to heal, of course, but I have dated guys, and even know some guys and girls that have been hurt by love, so they close off their hearts to the possibility of loving again for fear of being hurt.  Whether they realize that they are doing this out of fear or not, they are.  I'm sorry, but I feel this makes them weak.  It is the strong that put their hearts on the line to love and gamble losing, and the weak that hide their hearts and never love again.  I feel sorry for these people, because even if you do get hurt multiple times, you are also open to the magic and all of the love that comes with an open heart.  You may not get hurt by closing off your heart, but you won't get loved either, and you will never fully be able to heal your heart from the first heartbreak unless you're willing to forgive and move on.
Piper healing Leo

     *Disclaimer*This is all just how I personally feel, I don't want anyone to feel bad when they read this.  I've been hurt by guys that are too coward to face real feelings, and it doesn't just hurt them, it hurts others around them.  But no matter how much I am hurt, I will never stop loving and searching for someone who will be romantic, and cheesy, and kind and chivalrous.   (Of course I look for other qualities as well, but those are what I'm focusing on for this post :P)

Love always,