Sunday, July 17, 2011

England Anticipation

 England is constantly in my thoughts lately.  Its only about a month away, and I can't wait to pack and I have things in my room that I never put away because they're for England.  Everyday I go to my 2 jobs I have to remind myself, "This is for England, I can do it!".

So as I sit in this hotel, watching tv with my dad and brother writing this blog, I'm thinking of England and the quarter to come.  I'm excited and scared and confused, motivated, nervous, and so many things that I can't even form words for.  I don't really know what the future is going to hold for me yet, but I'm okay with that because I'm trusting in Her plans, well trying to as much as possible at least.  I have so may ideas as to what could happen, and they all excite me.  No matter what I know I will be taken care of.

Now that I've finally blogged since what feels like forever, it's time to read another chapter in my book and go to bed.

<3 always,

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Showing My Nerdiness!

Fruits Basket!
     So, I just last night discovered a new anime on Netflix... well new to me at least.  I'd heard about it before and was told I should watch it, but never got around to it.  Let me tell you, I am in love with it! :)

Who wouldn't love Sailor Moon?! 
     Fruits Basket brings back memories of me watching Sailor Moon as I was growing up, and reminds me of Inuyasha, another one of my favorite anime's.  I started looking for an anime to watch after I wanted to watch Princess Mononoke or Spirited Away.  While I was looking for either Hayao Miyazaki movie to watch, for some reason, I REALLY started missing Sailor Moon and wished I could watch that... so I went searching to see if I could find any episodes or movies on Netflix.
     Unfortunately all Sailor Moon stuff was only available on DVD, not instant watch.  I know what you're thinking, if I loved Sailor Moon that much, why don't I have any movies, well I do; they are all packed away and most of them are recorded VHS tapes.... not suitable for playing on a laptop.

Howl (from Howl's Moving Castle)
     After not being able to watch Sailor Moon, Netflix gave me some similar options to Sailor Moon that I could watch instantly.  I looked through some of them, but hadn't heard of a lot of them, and was reluctant to try anything too new.  When I saw Fruits Basket was an option I remembered hearing about it before so I gave it a shot.  I was hooked within the first 5 minutes!  It satisfied my nostalgia Sailor Moon mood and gave me something new and interesting to watch and add to the list of anime's I've seen.  Bleach is next on the list ;)  Thanks Daniel for the great anime list of things you sent me to watch, I'm slowly but surely working on it!

     I realize that this blog may show just how much of a nerd I can be, and will probably bore and completely go over most of your heads, but I can't help who I am.  One of the messages of Fruits Basket is to always be yourself, and if people for some reason can't accept who you are, then that's their loss.  You, exactly who you are is a blessing to the entire world and we need to be grateful for all kinds of people and personalities.  If we were all the same, nothing new or exciting would ever happen.  And if you don't like the person you are, well start by looking at the qualities you admire in others because most likely you possess those same qualities.  We just don't always see those qualities in ourselves.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Fight for it!

So, this will be me just venting basically, but I feel it does have some truth to it.  So I hope that I don't come off as too bitchy, because I'm in a mood right now.

I want to be fought for dammit!
All girls do!  Well I think everybody would actually, but I'm focusing on advice for guys specifically about women in this blog.  (the disclaimer is that everyone is individual and this is a generalization that does not apply to ALL women).

If you're fighting and a girl tells you to leave her alone, even if she means it, she at least wants you to try and fight for her love and affections.
She wants and needs to know that even if you're pissed at her you'll fight to be with her.  Don't just give up and say that you're respecting her wishes; that's just taking the lazy and easy way out.  I understand that in the end you will need to respect her wishes to be a lone, but we need to feel like you're not just going to give up.  It's that lack of passion that an be disconcerting and sometimes tell her that something is missing in your relationship.
Yes it's a bit backwards, but when we say leave us alone, you men take it too literal.  We're not trying to play a mind game, it's un-intentional, but that's just how we think.  If you want to make it right, then grab us and tell us!  Let us know by showing us that what we have together is worth fighting for!  Even if we don't want to hear anymore, you don't need words to show your affections.

I just want to know that there are people out there that think love is worth fighting for.  I could never give up on love because it is one of the things that makes life so beautiful!  Others have it, and so now I'm left wondering, why not me?  I know it's not my time... so may things are changing and happening in my life, but I miss the connection that comes from a relationship.  I'm working on being patient, I really am.. but being patient is hard! :P

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

My First Blog...

I’m Blogging…? I Mean, Yay I’m Blogging!!!
So the blog you are about to read was my very first blog ever, but since I'm now on this blogger instead of (because you can get more creative and personal with your blogs on blogger) I'm transferring some of my old blog posts for when I'm too busy or tired or whatever to make a new blog. Enjoy!

“To thine own self be true.” -Hamlet

I wanted to start off my blog with the right thoughts and motives behind it; this quote will hopefully embody what I want to do with this blog, and everyone after this. Mary Baker Eddy said (and I’m paraphrasing here) that if someone really wanted to get to know her, all one had to do was to read her writings (again, very paraphrased! lol).
I want people to get to know me, the real me and not just the me I can project, and I also want to get to know myself. I actually sometimes wonder if I know who I am and where I truly stand in the world, and what I want to be and do with my life. So I’m hoping this blog will help in discovering myself, as well as give others the opportunity to get to know me if they so choose.
I put on a lot of masks
For the rest of this blog, and ones to follow I will be focusing on ideas presented in a recent Christian Science lecture I just watched. This lecture focused on relationships, and asked “Who am I?” and “What do I want?” This lecture helped me through a recent heart ache, and made me realize some things:
1.) My cousin was right. She told me that this person hasn’t earned a deep enough trust, so why was I so willing to give so much without any inclination that they would catch me? 2.) I’m at a growing point in my life where lots of things are far from being any kind of permanent, and 3.) I’m worth fighting for.
I love masks
I used to think only the bitchy, snotty girls (the girls I never wanted to be) thought they were hot stuff, and worth everything… And while I don’t think I’m worth EVERYTHING, nor do I want to be with someone who would allow me to treat them in any way that wasn’t mutually caring and loving, I’m worth much more then I have ever given myself credit for.
It’s okay to be fought for and treated like you mean the world to someone because they make your life and your world that much brighter. It doesn’t mean that you’re egocentric or selfish, it just shows that you care enough about yourself to be treated with respect and love. You have to learn how to love yourself first if you’re ever going to love, care for and respect someone else.
How can someone else be expected to love you, if you first do not love yourself? So right now, I’m going to focus on loving myself, and I’d encourage the same to anyone else out there who has been entertained enough to read this far :) 

Thanks for reading my first blog ever!
<3 always,


Agape refers to a very selfless kind of love, like the love God has for Her children. It can also be used when describing how people love each other. Yes, people do love each other in very different ways, I am more the pragmatic type of lover, with Agape and Storge thrown in there, a little bit of Mania and very small amounts of Ludus and Eros. Okay, I have you lost, I know, but I will explain what all of these mean very shortly. I'm going to go over a little bit of the love styles so you can get a feel for each of them before I jump into more about agape.

Storge: Love is a friendship.  Storge lovers like the security of being able to predict behaviors, and are not bored by routine home activity.  These are the people that can still remain friends after they break up.

Agape: Agape lovers put their partner before themselves.  They are very forgiving and loving by nature, and they are very patient.  They would break up if they thought that their partner would be happier with someone else.  

Mania: Tend to be more obsessive and very dependent on their partners.  They are happy when they are with their partner, but are sad without them.  Sometimes they manipulate their partners feelings.  Their emotions are tied to their partners.  These are the people that get sick if they are fighting with their partner or experience physical symptoms that will equal how secure they are feeling in their relationship.  Think Bella from New Moon after Edward leaves her.  

Pragma: Pragma lovers look realistically at what they want in a partner, they usually have a list of qualities and attributes they would like their partner to have and  they do no settle.  Pragma are very loyal and mature.

Ludus:  Ludus lovers do not like dependency and shy away from commitment.  Love is like a game to them.  Many times they will keep someone on the back burner, just in case something doesn't work out with their current interest.  Ludus would rather find someone new than try to work out their current problems in a relationship. Think very high school and immature.  

Eros:  Eros lovers put a great deal of emphasis on emotional feelings.  They believe in the concept of love at first sight and tend to be monogamous.  They rush into "expression of feelings".... so sex comes early in the relationship.  Think Romeo and Juliet.  

          Most people are not only one type of lover, humans are complex and experience feelings that we cannot and do not always have to justify.  If you're emotionally hurt or impacted by something WAY more then a friend of yours would be, it's totally legit. 
          I for example, am very stubborn and wear my emotions on my sleeve.  This makes it easier to hurt me when I get close to someone because I usually fall hard and fast and don't always take a safety net with me.  I need a lot of time to heal and sometimes the scars can never go away.  When someone impacts your life in any way, they become a part of who you are and what has made you who you are.  That's why break-ups can be so hard, even if they are mutual.  
           One of my biggest fears in relationshops is that I'm so easy to get over and easily forgettable, while I will be hung up on someone for years.  I once had a crush on a guy for over 4 years in High School and through my first to second year of college.

Okay, so I wanted to talk a little bit more about Agape love.  I was thinking about love in general the other day while talking to my friend Karen.  Here is the gist of what we discussed and the epiphany I had:

True love/ Agape love should not be and is not conditional to how close or far away you are from someone. 

There is no time limit on love, love does not care about limitations, because it knows none.

When you make friends that you keep for life, you may not always be right with them, or in the same state or country for that matter, but that doesn't mean you love them any less. Same with family; no matter how far apart your lives bring you, you're still related and you still love each other. Even when children grow up, leave the nest, have families of their own, and only visit once every 2 years, that love does not care about time or space. Time and space are material limitations for which agape love transcends.