Sunday, December 4, 2011

Last weeks in England :(

     So I last left you at the Globe.  We moved on to Surrey, England for our home stays.  Home stays were probably everyone's favorite time in relation to bed and bathroom accommodations as well as food... most of us had not had a home-cooked meal for over a month.We moved to house stays, since there were a limited amount of families, the range of students with one family went from 1 student to 4 students. 
Kristina our house 'mum'
(I was chewing my bagel in this pic...)
I shared a house mum, Kristina, with Rachel.  Kristina had a cat named Pansy who was the most adorable calico >^_^<.  She bought bagels for Rachel and I to eat for breakfast, but it was really adorable because she had never eaten a bagel before.  Rachel and I got to breakfast and she was all excited to show us that she bought bagels, but had never 'made a bagel before' so she asked us how to 'make' a bagel.  She popped them in the oven and toasted them for us and we had toasted bagels with peanut butter and honey :) while she stuck with her usual toast and tea in the morning.  I miss toast and tea :(

The Group in Surrey
While we were at house stays, during the day we were at Claremont, the English version of Principia lower to upper school.  Here we taught Shakespeare ( A Mid Summer Nights Dream) to 5th and 6th years.... which is the equivalent to I think 4th and 5th graders.  They were ADORABLE!!!  One girl told me that she loved my accent... I was taken aback and told her that I loved hers.  We were also asked multiple times if we would come back next week. :)

Working with Claremont Kids
Once we left house stays, we made our way to Stratford upon Avon and Shakespeare's birthplace.  Along with doing some more character research at the BT (Birthplace Trust) we had lectures and workshops about the seven different shows we would be seeing at the RSC (Royal Shakespeare Company) and Swan theatres.  We even had talk backs with an actor from each play... Scott Handy, by far the coolest because he's been in movies like A Knights Tale and The Patrick Stewart version of Macbeth.  All of the shows we got to see there were pretty fantastic.  

We remained in Stratford, in the same place for 2 weeks!  YAY for getting to unpack a bit and not live out of a suitcase!  Since the group was so big, we were spread out in 3 different B and B's.  Stratford is an adorable small town, but definitely a tourist town; our B and B's were located among several other B and B's all on either side of one long street.  Mos having names like "Twelfth Night" "Cymbeline" and other Shakespearean topics.  I stayed in Anne Hathaway's B and B rooming with Lila, and sharing the rest of the B and B with 4 other abroad girls and Chrissy, our theatre teacher... we had the entire B and B to ourselves!!  We even could use the kitchen and laundry facilities!  

It became so natural to just walk around Stratford, finding really awesome places to eat and shop.  They had the best places to get cream tea, (a scone with clotted cream and jam, with a pot of tea) and Chinese food.  I miss cream tea :(  the scones in America suck compared to the ones you could get at the cheapest places in England. 

Hampton Court
Anyway, going to so many productions in the 2 week period, and having Sunday and Wednesday night church, we were wearing fancy clothes a lot... I bought the most awesome dress, skirt, and red wedges while staying in Stratford. 

Warwick Castle
While in Stratford and making our way to Stratford, we stopped at some really awesome and famous places, like Hampton Court, and Warwick Castle etc...  

We made our way back to London, staying very close to The British Library, and Kings Cross Station, which is where platform 9 and 3/4 from Harry Potter is!! It was nice to go back to a familiar place right before we left.  Since I had finished all of my play reports in Stratford, the only thing I had to do the last 3 days was relax and get packed.  I watched a lot of tv... The Big Bang Theory is very popular over there, it made me REALLY happy!  
We were excited!

On that last Saturday in London, 3 of my friends surprised me with an early graduation present... tickets to see The Phantom of the Opera!!!!!!!!!  I died and Shakespearean died!!!  It was one of THE BEST SHOWS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!  SO much better live!  :D

I was freaking out!

That Sunday I returned to the Globe with Dalton and Piper to take one more combat workshop before we left... I got a pretty awesome battle wound from being stabbed in the thigh by Dalton, complete accident of course; It left a gnarly bruise.  We learned a very awesome fight sequence where we disarmed each other then moved onto fist fighting.  I got kicked in the stomach and choked, while I got to kick someone in the stomach and smash his head in the ground, then finish him off with a dagger to the jugular and wiping the bloody blade on my victims back.  Don't mess with me, I'm awesome!  

On Monday we all departed London in the early morning and got back to St. Louis that evening.  It was almost a 24 hour day for most of us, with the time difference.  I crashed around 10:30pm/11pm which would have been about 5:30 or 6am in England and I was up at 7 am.... WOHOO!!!  

I stayed at my friend Rachel's house with Cam, our other friend. :)  It was SO NICE to sleep in a big bed and have home cooked meals again before returning to Prin campus on Tuesday evening and having classes on Wednesday.  

When we landed in D.C to get a connecting flight to St. Louis, I cried a bit.  It was an overwhelming feeling of joy to be home, but sad that I was no longer in England.  

Leaving England :(
We got right back into classes here at Prin, and had our first real work on Pericles, the play we are putting on in about 3 more weeks.  Most of us were anxious to finally get working on this play that we've been cast in since before the summer.  

Sorry this is long, but a lot has happened.  I'll update once more and let you know how Pericles went!  CANNOT wait for it.... I'm quadruple cast as a daughter to an incestuous father, a fisherman, a lady at Diana's temple, and a pitifully sodden  prostitute.... Haha!  Thank goodness I'm very comfortable with this group of people! 

<3 always, 


England weeks 2ish-4ish

GAHH!!!  SO many cool and wonderfully exciting things have been happening!  We've been doing so much everyday I barely have time to breath... except in voice class where we spend about an hour doing breathing warm-ups :)  But still.  We're going practically all day long going from this activity to that.  I love it!  We've accomplished, what would normally take a few weeks time, so much in so little time; though I am getting ahead of myself a bit. Let's see, where did I leave you off at... Oh yes, Oxford.

Kings Cross Station
Well after we completed a week of classes at Oxford, we took a bus to London and settled down at a dorm near the Kings Cross Station (Where platform 9 3/4 from Harry Potter is).  This was where we spent most of week 3.  We had from Monday to Thursday to complete all the research we could getting primary sources from the British Library.  This place has a massive amount of knowledge stored underneath it.  It takes about 70 minutes to get your books once you've ordered them.  

You may only bring pencils into the library with you, no pens or highlighters.  Paper, laptops are acceptable, but no camera's, jackets, sharp objects... because we all want to cut up pieces of history.  Sadly some people did hence the no sharp object rule.  
In case you didn't catch it, The British Library
So yeah, we sat in a big room with these books from the 14th to 17th centuries... some of them were falling apart and a lot were written in old English where V's read as U's and certain letters like an s look like an f, so lesson would look like 'leffon'.  But being able to hold books like that was slightly exciting and intimidating all at once.  Anyway, that week was pretty boring because lots of sitting and researching was involved.  I loved all of the knowledge that I soaked up, and I felt really smart, but I'm an actor... I need to be moving, thus I take you to where we next set up; Bankside right near Shakespeare's GLOBE!!!!!

So this past week we have been taking classes at The Globe Theatre where Shakespeare would have put on his plays... however the original globe was burnt down in the late 1500's when a cannon went off during a production of Henry VIII and set fire to the stage.  It was re-built soon after, then torn down again by the church in around the 1640's.  The Globe that we are at now is a replica of the original and was built sometime in the last century.  Okay, now that you know your history, lol, we have had movement classes, scene classes, text classes, voice classes, and one of my favorites, combat classes!!!!  Movement has been really awesome and fun, it's been getting me back into stretching and dancing; which I have missed with a passion.  For scene class, we are doing an abbreviated version of Winter's Tale, by Shakespeare.  We are sharing and swapping roles throughout, so it's a bit confusing and weird, but if you saw it, it would make sense.  It's about 40 minutes long and we will be performing it after having the script less then a week on Wednesday.  For text class we have been learning a lot about how to interpret how to say lines and going over iambs and stuff; basically it's a crash course in Shakespeare's text.  Voice class is a MAJOR work out!  Seriously!  We are doing a lot of stretches and movements that restrict the space available in our chests so that the breath is forced to expand in our backs and other places.  This will be great for dancing and projecting on stage.  
Rehearsing A Winter's Tale

Combat class, well there were two REALLY good looking guys that were there for teaching and demonstrating purposes.  The fight choreographer, Phil, was so knowledgeable about Shakespeare and all kinds of different types of stage combat; well he should be after being in the business for 50 years or so.  Anyway, we took class for 2 hours on rapier and dagger fighting!!!  It was SO AWESOME!!!  I also got some help from one of the cute younger guys who looks like a musketeer; that will go in the memory bank FOREVER! I went back that same weekend on our free day to work again on stage combat, this time it was just working with a rapier and not a dagger, but still LOTS of fun!!!  I would love to do this as a job, seriously, it's SO COOL!  

On the Globe Stage!!!

We've seen a lot of really awesome productions while here and I cannot even begin to tell you about all the awesomeness that has happened since we've been at the Globe.  We leave tomorrow for house stays, then we'll be heading to Stratford. :D

<3 always,



Okay, so I realize it's been FOREVER since I've blogged.  However, I feel like being in England is justification enough to begin again.  In order to catch everyone up on what has happened over the past several months, the next few blogs were email updates I sent out to family and friends.

From an Email I wrote while in Oxford 2 September, 2011

So, in case you didn't know... I'm in England! :)

I'm having so much fun and doing SO many cool things!  With everything we've been doing it feels as if I've been here for months instead of weeks.  The abroad group is already getting along great.  I pretty much am in love with all of them :)

Entrance to our Hostel in Keswick
 I really should be packing right now because it is our last day at Wadham College in Oxford, but instead I'm procrastinating as usual.  I have become attached to my little single here.  All the colleges in the Oxford system are single dorms, no doubles, triples, or quad's like at most other North American colleges.
     Each dorm room has their own sink!  And a maid that comes by each morning to tuck the sheets in your bed and vacuum, tidy up a bit and re-fill your tea, sugar and creams that are a staple in every dorm.  Each room also has its own fridge and boiling water pot.  I feel like I'm in a hotel!... with a few minor differences. 
Catlerigg Stone Circle
While in Keswick we hiked the lake district, and it was BEAUTIFUL! I actually enjoyed hiking for once, since it was at a nice pace, and was a gorgeous day.  Plus I was in England, so that might have effected my attitude, a little...  We went to Castlerigg stone circle, which is older then Stonehenge.  On the way there were sheep, and blackberries that we could pick and eat.  Keswick is such a cute and tiny little town.  On the way to our next destination we stopped at Vindolanda, the sight of Hadrian's wall.  

From my blog entry:
It feels like we have accomplished bucket loads after being in England only four days!  The abroad group left the little town of Keswick today to move to York.  But before we settled in York, we stopped at the historic archeological sight of Vindolanda, which is at Hadrian’s Wall.  Vindolanda, by the way, is the coolest, most magical and fairytale-esque name ever!
We arrived in Vindolanda at Hadrian’s Wall with just enough time to cram in some lunch before our 2pm tour.  This was where the Roman general Hadrian had built a wall to keep the Scots out.  You can kind of think of it as England’s version of The Great Wall of China, only nowhere near as magnanimous.

This sight was GORGEOUS, and especially exciting to lay our eyes upon.  The old stone buildings of a Roman Town have been gone for centuries and buried under the dirt and soil.  What remained of the structures, and some artifacts, including writing tablets, had been nicely preserved from water damage because of the way the Romans built their walls.  The first writing from a woman in the western world was documented here at the sight of Hadrian’s Wall!
A fun little fact we learned was that the headquarters of the Roman camp were in a building called the Principia (in Latin pronounced either “prin-kip-ia” or “prin-chip-ia”). It was cool to find that it had the same spelling as our darling college!  As we learned about how the city would have run when it was thriving, we also found out that it would take an estimated one to two hundred years to completely uncover a sight such as this.  Sheesh, can you imagine?!  We are all having a jolly good time, loving England and our abroad group.  We cannot wait for what adventures will come next!  As they say in York, Cheers!
York Minster
Our York adventure began with a few days of on and off rain.  We were finally experiencing typical English weather, and I was not all too thrilled about it.  Luckily that was the most rain we ever had to deal with.  I guess the American weather followed us for the majority of our adventures.  York was a very cute town, bigger then Keswick, with a bustle of city life, but small enough that I never really felt lost.  One of the days we got a tour of York Minster.  That same day my Cameron and Rachel along with talking Dalton and Dana into it went along with our professor to 'Appy Feey' where we got fish pedicures... that's right, little fishies were eating off the dead skin.  It was the weirdest and best experience I had involving my feet.  

Fish Pedicures
After spending the first week in hostels living in a dorm with bunk beds and 4-8 girls per room, we were all super happy to be at Wadham this week.  We did enjoy our adventures in Keswick and York, they were both beautiful and quaint little towns, but some of us had already begun to get under each other skin a little bit... especially when there are 8 women sharing 1 bathroom.... yeah, the boys had it a little better off then we did because there are only 6 out of the 22 students on the abroad. 
Tomorrow will be a long day because we are off to LONDON!!!  WOHOO!!!  So many people are really excited to go there, but I've been happy living in the moments and enjoying each little town and place we stay at :).  

There have been LOTS of pictures posted on facebook if you want to take a look.  There are going to be SO many England albums I'm kind of scared that fb just might blow up with Englishness (yes that's a word).  I'm about to die of Englishness, and not in the Shakespearean way of dying, but the real way.  I have been drinking SO much tea that I might burst and die a very happy person.  

Having High Tea
We all went to Isis Ceramics yesterday to have "High Tea".  High tea, as opposed to light tea, has tea and scones just like light tea but also adds the little finger sandwiches, cakes, biscuits (what we call cookies), fresh fruit, and lots of other goodies.  I stuffed myself with cucumber, egg salad, and smoked salmon sandwiches while drinking about 5 cups of tea, 2 scones with clotted cream and jam, fresh strawberries, and cupcakes.  All of the china we were being served from and drinking from was hand made and painted there.  It was the most beautiful and truly English experience I have had thus far.  
We've also visited palaces, museums, ancient archaeological sights and today one of the libraries used in the filming of Harry Potter, that's right, you can all die of jealousy because my life is complete :P

Once I've settled in London for a bit I'll shoot another emial update.  I should probably get back to packing.... I'd like to get some sleep before I have to be up and at breakfast by 8 tomorrow... up at 8 am... everyday of the abroad.... EVERYDAY, no weekends... everyday.... 8 am... Are you getting the feeling I might be a little bit annoyed?!  Well as much as not having a day in to sleep sucks, I'm still in England!!  All of the sleep deprivation can prove diverting because I tend to be my loopiest when tired.  And when I'm loopy, funny things happen :D Either that or normal things happen, I'm just WAY more entertained by them!

Lots of love to you all and I hope you are enjoying your time doing what you are doing wherever you are!

<3 always,

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Brush with Romance

     So I've been reading a lot of books lately, two of which are romance novels (one of my guilty pleasures, and the reason I started to like reading).  So with my recent and annual trip to the Colorado Renaissance Festival, I might have had a romanticized hope that I might run into a dashingly handsome guy that would sweep me off my feet and we'd live happily ever after... or in a more realistic hope we'd at least have an awesome make out session :P.

Me in my Ren Garb :)
     While Alisha and I were waiting for the guys to get out of the bathroom I led us into the shop right next to the bathrooms that sells dried flower jewelry that still smells like flowers.  They also sell potpourri bags that smell of either lavender or roses... the roses are my FAVORITE smell!  So I went in there seeking out the potpourri bags to get my rose fix :).
     We went in and Alisha stayed by the entrance waiting and wasn't particularly interested in the dried rose merchandise   I took a HUGE wiff of one of the bags I grabbed and just kept smelling with a huge goofy smile on my face; I probably looked like a mixture of a cat with catnip and a crack addict inhaling my drug of choice.

     It was after about my 3rd or 4th big wiff that I realized I wasn't alone in the shop... Okay, so I knew there were other people in there but neglected to see the cutie hiding behind the glass necklace display until he stood up.
     I stupidly turned around and made eye contact with him.  Not that I didn't want to talk to the handsome brunet rogue, but I knew he would try and sell me something (that's how it always works at ren fest) and sure enough, he did.
     After coming into this shop for as many years as I've been going to ren fest ( a lot of years) I had always seen and been aware of the jewelry, but there was never anything too special about them - especially considering the prices.  I understand why they are so pricey, but it's still a lot of money when you're a poor college student saving for England... on top of receiving a speeding ticket, which is a story for another day.

     Anyway, after a few seconds of not too awkward eye contact, he asked if I was back for more pieces.  I was thankful that he seemed to miss my crack addict moment with the potpourri.  I did however admit that I had no pieces and was only there to smell the store...because that's not awkward...
     "Ahh well we have lots of things for you to smell, and you can start your collection."  He grabbed a tri rose choker off of the glass counter and started to make his way around to put it on me.  Before I could make even an attempt at a protest -  not sure I would have anyway - my feet carried me and I was meeting him half way around the counter.   He asked if I could lift my hair up and then placed the metal choker around my neck, then handed me a mirror to "Admire myself" with.
   We flirted a little and I made a crack about being narcissistic.  While I did have the mirror in my hand I made sure that my hair and make-up was still in tact and hadn't melted off because of the intense heat of the day, while also looking at the choker placed rather gaudily around my neck.  I knew that because of the amount and size of the roses that the choker would probably cost a small fortune, and it did.  What I didn't know was how to say no to this guy, I mean I'm a sucker for salesmen even when they aren't fulfilling some part of a romantic fantasy in the back of my mind and making my heart flutter with the brushes of his hand against my skin as he placed and then took off the gaudy choker.

     So after I handed him back the mirror he got the hint and met me half way to remove the choker, which I was all too happy to have him do.  Not really ready to stop flirting with him or leave the shop just yet I stood there smiling at him which gave him the opportunity to pick up another piece, smaller this time with much more     delicacy and modesty about it.  It was a tiny dried, red, baby rosebud hanging from a thin silky cream colored twisted rope with gold clasp and accents.  As he was searching for that particular one I noted that the pieces he was now looking at were much more me, but I still wasn't sure I would have picked out that particular one for myself.
     Before he reached for this piece, he carefully looked at all the pieces that were hanging from this display; some with black twisted ropes and having different lengths.  He calculated, finding the one 'just for me'- taking into account the length, rope, and color that would accessorize best with, what I would assume was my outfit... I like to think he also thought about what would compliment my hair and skin color, but that would probably be pushing it.  A girl can dream, can't she?

     Once he found the one he wanted me to try in he grabbed it and, again, made his way out from behind the counter put it on me.  I, again, and without thinking, automatically gravitated toward him and what I hoped would be fairly similar to the last time he put a piece on me.
     This time,  he asked me to turn around and as I lifted up my hair, his arms reached around me to put this piece on, his hands once again brushing my neck and giving me butterflies.  He fumbled with the clasp for a bit... it was one of those adjustable size ones, which I'm hoping was maybe just so he could be near me longer, or he could have genuinely been having a fumble moment ( I have the affect on people ;) jk).  It's not like placing necklaces on people had been his job for the whole summer or anything... :P

     Once the necklace was on me and I looked in the mirror he handed me, I fell in love with it.  Partially because some cute guy picked it out 'just for me' (it's nice to think, right?) partially because he had so chivalrously been a gentleman and placed it around my throat (enjoying that part a little too much).  Either way, it suited me perfectly.  It reminded me a little of Belle From Beauty and the Beat and Sailor Jupiter from my favorite tv series growing up, Sailor Moon.  Both of them have something to do with roses, which you might not know if you haven't seen either one.  The reminder of those two childhood favorites also made me very happy, so this small, fragile rosebud placed around my throat was not going to come off.
~The mini rose necklace, the only red around my neck~
     My dad noticed my immediate attachment to this gem the rogue had found for me, and offered to buy it; making it all the more special because on top of all the reasons I had already loved it, it was now a gift from my dad- and therefore precious to me.  So there is beauty and sentimental attachment associated with the new piece I added to my collection of necklaces.
     Two men aided in the purchase of this my new necklace and made me feel like a very attractive princess while doing it (which doesn't happen all that often).  There's something about a boy picking out what he thinks looks or will look good on you and then helping you to put it on... or maybe, in some cases, helps you take it off as well ;) teehee :P
     This does not however apply to things like engagement rings.. it can depending on the girl, but you have to know your girl well enough to know if she wants you to pick it out for her or if she already knows what she wants and will prefer to pick it out herself... yeah, I know I'm dumping a whole lot of guidance to men in this particular blog, so women, just enjoy it :) haha!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

England Anticipation

 England is constantly in my thoughts lately.  Its only about a month away, and I can't wait to pack and I have things in my room that I never put away because they're for England.  Everyday I go to my 2 jobs I have to remind myself, "This is for England, I can do it!".

So as I sit in this hotel, watching tv with my dad and brother writing this blog, I'm thinking of England and the quarter to come.  I'm excited and scared and confused, motivated, nervous, and so many things that I can't even form words for.  I don't really know what the future is going to hold for me yet, but I'm okay with that because I'm trusting in Her plans, well trying to as much as possible at least.  I have so may ideas as to what could happen, and they all excite me.  No matter what I know I will be taken care of.

Now that I've finally blogged since what feels like forever, it's time to read another chapter in my book and go to bed.

<3 always,

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Showing My Nerdiness!

Fruits Basket!
     So, I just last night discovered a new anime on Netflix... well new to me at least.  I'd heard about it before and was told I should watch it, but never got around to it.  Let me tell you, I am in love with it! :)

Who wouldn't love Sailor Moon?! 
     Fruits Basket brings back memories of me watching Sailor Moon as I was growing up, and reminds me of Inuyasha, another one of my favorite anime's.  I started looking for an anime to watch after I wanted to watch Princess Mononoke or Spirited Away.  While I was looking for either Hayao Miyazaki movie to watch, for some reason, I REALLY started missing Sailor Moon and wished I could watch that... so I went searching to see if I could find any episodes or movies on Netflix.
     Unfortunately all Sailor Moon stuff was only available on DVD, not instant watch.  I know what you're thinking, if I loved Sailor Moon that much, why don't I have any movies, well I do; they are all packed away and most of them are recorded VHS tapes.... not suitable for playing on a laptop.

Howl (from Howl's Moving Castle)
     After not being able to watch Sailor Moon, Netflix gave me some similar options to Sailor Moon that I could watch instantly.  I looked through some of them, but hadn't heard of a lot of them, and was reluctant to try anything too new.  When I saw Fruits Basket was an option I remembered hearing about it before so I gave it a shot.  I was hooked within the first 5 minutes!  It satisfied my nostalgia Sailor Moon mood and gave me something new and interesting to watch and add to the list of anime's I've seen.  Bleach is next on the list ;)  Thanks Daniel for the great anime list of things you sent me to watch, I'm slowly but surely working on it!

     I realize that this blog may show just how much of a nerd I can be, and will probably bore and completely go over most of your heads, but I can't help who I am.  One of the messages of Fruits Basket is to always be yourself, and if people for some reason can't accept who you are, then that's their loss.  You, exactly who you are is a blessing to the entire world and we need to be grateful for all kinds of people and personalities.  If we were all the same, nothing new or exciting would ever happen.  And if you don't like the person you are, well start by looking at the qualities you admire in others because most likely you possess those same qualities.  We just don't always see those qualities in ourselves.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Fight for it!

So, this will be me just venting basically, but I feel it does have some truth to it.  So I hope that I don't come off as too bitchy, because I'm in a mood right now.

I want to be fought for dammit!
All girls do!  Well I think everybody would actually, but I'm focusing on advice for guys specifically about women in this blog.  (the disclaimer is that everyone is individual and this is a generalization that does not apply to ALL women).

If you're fighting and a girl tells you to leave her alone, even if she means it, she at least wants you to try and fight for her love and affections.
She wants and needs to know that even if you're pissed at her you'll fight to be with her.  Don't just give up and say that you're respecting her wishes; that's just taking the lazy and easy way out.  I understand that in the end you will need to respect her wishes to be a lone, but we need to feel like you're not just going to give up.  It's that lack of passion that an be disconcerting and sometimes tell her that something is missing in your relationship.
Yes it's a bit backwards, but when we say leave us alone, you men take it too literal.  We're not trying to play a mind game, it's un-intentional, but that's just how we think.  If you want to make it right, then grab us and tell us!  Let us know by showing us that what we have together is worth fighting for!  Even if we don't want to hear anymore, you don't need words to show your affections.

I just want to know that there are people out there that think love is worth fighting for.  I could never give up on love because it is one of the things that makes life so beautiful!  Others have it, and so now I'm left wondering, why not me?  I know it's not my time... so may things are changing and happening in my life, but I miss the connection that comes from a relationship.  I'm working on being patient, I really am.. but being patient is hard! :P

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

My First Blog...

I’m Blogging…? I Mean, Yay I’m Blogging!!!
So the blog you are about to read was my very first blog ever, but since I'm now on this blogger instead of (because you can get more creative and personal with your blogs on blogger) I'm transferring some of my old blog posts for when I'm too busy or tired or whatever to make a new blog. Enjoy!

“To thine own self be true.” -Hamlet

I wanted to start off my blog with the right thoughts and motives behind it; this quote will hopefully embody what I want to do with this blog, and everyone after this. Mary Baker Eddy said (and I’m paraphrasing here) that if someone really wanted to get to know her, all one had to do was to read her writings (again, very paraphrased! lol).
I want people to get to know me, the real me and not just the me I can project, and I also want to get to know myself. I actually sometimes wonder if I know who I am and where I truly stand in the world, and what I want to be and do with my life. So I’m hoping this blog will help in discovering myself, as well as give others the opportunity to get to know me if they so choose.
I put on a lot of masks
For the rest of this blog, and ones to follow I will be focusing on ideas presented in a recent Christian Science lecture I just watched. This lecture focused on relationships, and asked “Who am I?” and “What do I want?” This lecture helped me through a recent heart ache, and made me realize some things:
1.) My cousin was right. She told me that this person hasn’t earned a deep enough trust, so why was I so willing to give so much without any inclination that they would catch me? 2.) I’m at a growing point in my life where lots of things are far from being any kind of permanent, and 3.) I’m worth fighting for.
I love masks
I used to think only the bitchy, snotty girls (the girls I never wanted to be) thought they were hot stuff, and worth everything… And while I don’t think I’m worth EVERYTHING, nor do I want to be with someone who would allow me to treat them in any way that wasn’t mutually caring and loving, I’m worth much more then I have ever given myself credit for.
It’s okay to be fought for and treated like you mean the world to someone because they make your life and your world that much brighter. It doesn’t mean that you’re egocentric or selfish, it just shows that you care enough about yourself to be treated with respect and love. You have to learn how to love yourself first if you’re ever going to love, care for and respect someone else.
How can someone else be expected to love you, if you first do not love yourself? So right now, I’m going to focus on loving myself, and I’d encourage the same to anyone else out there who has been entertained enough to read this far :) 

Thanks for reading my first blog ever!
<3 always,


Agape refers to a very selfless kind of love, like the love God has for Her children. It can also be used when describing how people love each other. Yes, people do love each other in very different ways, I am more the pragmatic type of lover, with Agape and Storge thrown in there, a little bit of Mania and very small amounts of Ludus and Eros. Okay, I have you lost, I know, but I will explain what all of these mean very shortly. I'm going to go over a little bit of the love styles so you can get a feel for each of them before I jump into more about agape.

Storge: Love is a friendship.  Storge lovers like the security of being able to predict behaviors, and are not bored by routine home activity.  These are the people that can still remain friends after they break up.

Agape: Agape lovers put their partner before themselves.  They are very forgiving and loving by nature, and they are very patient.  They would break up if they thought that their partner would be happier with someone else.  

Mania: Tend to be more obsessive and very dependent on their partners.  They are happy when they are with their partner, but are sad without them.  Sometimes they manipulate their partners feelings.  Their emotions are tied to their partners.  These are the people that get sick if they are fighting with their partner or experience physical symptoms that will equal how secure they are feeling in their relationship.  Think Bella from New Moon after Edward leaves her.  

Pragma: Pragma lovers look realistically at what they want in a partner, they usually have a list of qualities and attributes they would like their partner to have and  they do no settle.  Pragma are very loyal and mature.

Ludus:  Ludus lovers do not like dependency and shy away from commitment.  Love is like a game to them.  Many times they will keep someone on the back burner, just in case something doesn't work out with their current interest.  Ludus would rather find someone new than try to work out their current problems in a relationship. Think very high school and immature.  

Eros:  Eros lovers put a great deal of emphasis on emotional feelings.  They believe in the concept of love at first sight and tend to be monogamous.  They rush into "expression of feelings".... so sex comes early in the relationship.  Think Romeo and Juliet.  

          Most people are not only one type of lover, humans are complex and experience feelings that we cannot and do not always have to justify.  If you're emotionally hurt or impacted by something WAY more then a friend of yours would be, it's totally legit. 
          I for example, am very stubborn and wear my emotions on my sleeve.  This makes it easier to hurt me when I get close to someone because I usually fall hard and fast and don't always take a safety net with me.  I need a lot of time to heal and sometimes the scars can never go away.  When someone impacts your life in any way, they become a part of who you are and what has made you who you are.  That's why break-ups can be so hard, even if they are mutual.  
           One of my biggest fears in relationshops is that I'm so easy to get over and easily forgettable, while I will be hung up on someone for years.  I once had a crush on a guy for over 4 years in High School and through my first to second year of college.

Okay, so I wanted to talk a little bit more about Agape love.  I was thinking about love in general the other day while talking to my friend Karen.  Here is the gist of what we discussed and the epiphany I had:

True love/ Agape love should not be and is not conditional to how close or far away you are from someone. 

There is no time limit on love, love does not care about limitations, because it knows none.

When you make friends that you keep for life, you may not always be right with them, or in the same state or country for that matter, but that doesn't mean you love them any less. Same with family; no matter how far apart your lives bring you, you're still related and you still love each other. Even when children grow up, leave the nest, have families of their own, and only visit once every 2 years, that love does not care about time or space. Time and space are material limitations for which agape love transcends.