Wednesday, August 22, 2012

To My Friends...

     Dearest friends and loved ones,
England Abroad 2011
     I have taken you for granted.  Okay, so this seems to be coming out of nowhere, correct?  Well let me give you some context.
     I never really thought that college would end.  Stupid thought, I know, but in reality, I was thinking "I don't need to be sad about saying goodbye because I'll see them soon!"  And for 5 years of college that was the case.  I've always hated saying goodbye. So this May, I graduated having trained myself to not be sad.  Of course I knew this time would be different, but mostly I was hoping that it wouldn't be; and by some magical power I'd be back in a college setting with all of my friends, just hanging out.
     I have very few friends I have stayed in touch with pre-college.  ASC and Prin were where I made the majority of the friends I want to keep for life.  I didn't appreciate the time we had together while we had it.  I secluded myself, especially the last 2 years, I got lazy and stopped reaching out to the amazing community of people and limited myself in who I socialized with.  I do not want to do that again.  So if it's not too late, I'm reaching out to all of you; all the friendships I've made over the past several years, I love you guys! :)

Mustang and me 1994
Green, me, and Mustang 2007

     I came to this realization of taking you for granted over this summer when the happiest memories I had were with my friends.  I now know that I do not care where I end up geographically, as long as I have my friends I know I will be incandescently happy :).  Whether I'm trapped in a tiny town in CO that I've never heard of,  kicking it in the gorgeous LA, or in the very, VERY unbelievably humid CT.  As long as I have people I care about with me I am having the best time of my life.

     This is not to say that I hate living at home, because I don't.  I love my family but at the same time, I cannot wait to live on my own!  I want my own apartment where I can set up things how I want them to be, I want things to be cleaned to my standard, I want to decorate, I want to live in a house where there is minimal clutter!
Me and Rita
    So, this sounds more like I want to live alone, which would be nice, but I'd love to live with friends too.  If college has made me realize anything about the real world, it's pick your roommates wisely.  Just because you are good or even best friends with someone, does not mean your levels of living are conducive to a healthy friendship.  In other words, even the best of friends will want to rip each others throats out if say... one is a night owl and the other an early bird, etc...
Me and Hotaru JV LAX team 2005

Hotaru and I at Ren Fest 2010
Hotaru and I Class of 2007

     I've gotten a little off track. Where was I... Yes, I LOVE MY FRIENDS!  You make life worth living!  I'm mostly bored with life here in CO because I only have a couple of friends here.  Mustang who is featured above.  (We've known each other since we were born).  He's my oldest friend, but has his own life and obligations to attend to.  The other is my BFF, Hotaru (pictured above), and she lives over an hour away.  I have a blast when I get to hang out with her, but that's only so often.  And now that she's getting married I feel that I'll see her even less.  I'm ECSTATIC for her, don't get me wrong, Hotaru, I LOVE YOU, but you'll soon be a 'we' and want to be moving on with your life, being all married and cute.  You'll have a life long friend and you won't need me in the same way that I need you.  This will hopefully change one day, but as of now... well that's a different blog.

The gang from ASC at Ren Fest 2010
The women of Summer Brave 2009

Heath and I overlooking SF 2012

Harlequin Maneuver Cast  2010
     I need to get out there and make new friends in CO so I have more people to hang out with here, instead of wishing I were someplace else; however, I never want to lose touch with the friends I have already made.  I love you all, I really do mean it, even when I don't show it all that well.  We're all busy, and I know that, especially now that a lot of us have graduated and are making lives for ourselves all over the world.  I am one of those people who doesn't need to talk to someone everyday to stay friends.  I'm the kind of girl that when I leave a friend behind I greet them again no matter how many years later the same way we left off our friendship - like nothing has changed.  Love and kindness and happiness are things that we are always sharing with each other, and I believe they have no limits or time restraints.

Theater Women Class of 2012
So this is for all of you, my friends and loved ones.  The next time I see you in person I will treat you like we never left each other, yes I'll want to hear all about your life, but our friendship will not know the strains of time or distance.  And I want a BIG GINORMIC hug, actually, a plethora of hugs throughout our time together. :)  I LOVE HUGS... and massages... you can always get me with massages... Oops, see how distracted I get when thinking about massages.  Back to what I was talking about before hugs and massages... Yes, so the next time we chat through facebook or email, it might be short and sweet, but please know that it carries all the love in my heart.

Wishing all of you love,

Until next time ~ Jodi

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Post Grad Boredom...

Do you ever get tired of thinking?

I've been watching lots of tv...
Sometimes I just want to turn my brain off.  One of the reasons I don't consistently blog is because I feel like I'm dealing with so much.  Even though it might help to write some of it down so I can get it out and stop worrying about it, I lack the energy to want to even try and collect all of my thoughts.
It's like the feeling you get when you're carrying WAY too many things.  you can't hold on anymore so everything goes flying all over and creates a mess you cannot, at that moment, fathom trying to begin to clean up.  The idea of having to clean up that mess at that moment makes you so overwhelmed that the only thing you can do is just sit down and cry hoping magically that will somehow crying will make it all better and the work will get done for you.

I've been reading a lot, I guess that's good.
I feel like that very often now and I'm not happy about it.  And I know that I really should have no right to vent about having "so much to do" because I don't have a job.  the problem in not having a job is all the worry and work you have to put in to get one.  While bills pile up and you have to make payments with money you don't have you're also looking and waiting and wondering about any and every job opportunity out there.  the worst part is being stuck at home with no car or anything interesting to do!  SOOOO BORING!!!!!  I want to do something so badly.  I want to work and I want a schedule to follow.
Being a theater major while in school, I thrived on being busy.

I've been doing a lot of this lately.
Since I just moved, thew house is a mess, and it's not my mess to clean up, so that is driving me a bit insane because there is no space to move, and my room has no furniture, so that is a mess too.  I'm too poor to buy furniture for my room, this is sad.  the disorganization in the house gets to me.

I really need to change my thinking right now and get a job!  I know I will be in my right place, but my place right now is boring and stressing me to tears all at the same time.  I'm such a whiny baby, and I know it.  Which is why I'm doing something about it this week.

Wishing you love,
<3 always,

Friday, August 3, 2012

Time Flies!

I can't believe it's already been 2 weeks since I've been in California! I have seen So many things; The City (SF) Twin peaks, the sutra baths, pier 39, Alcatraz, the redwoods, fog.... the list goes on...
"The City"
I am loving it here and the time is going by so fast. It's been a growing experience for me as well as buckets of fun. I have made some great friends, learned a few things about relationships, and also put my trust in the wrong things. I'll know better next time, hopefully. I think my friend Lizzie said it best:
Sutra Baths
"If my minimal life experience has taught me ONE thing, it is this: One should never be upset with oneself for letting people get close enough to hurt them. The blame belongs to the people who hurt you. When your only fault is loving someone the way you want to be loved, you should walk away from that relationship with your head held high. Have pride in your kind heart. It's a rare gift." Lizzie Bennett


I had a situation last summer very similar to one this summer dealing with relationships. I expected too much out of someone who I really didn't know and ended up getting hurt again in the same way as last year. I will not be making the same mistake again. As my friend Lizzie said. (I'm paraphrasing) "We are good people and assume that everyone will allot the same courtesy to us as we would to them."

I would have to agree with that statement. I expect good, and hold people to the same standards as I hold myself, so I really shouldn't be as disappointed as I was when I leaned that that does not hold true for a lot of people in this world, and that's okay because we're all individuals and value different things. A lesson that I will not soon forget.

Redwood fairy circle

So anyway, My time in Cali has mostly been filled with great times and amazing memories and time spent with amazing people. I'm not going to dwell on the past and stupid mistakes, but look to the future. I have no idea what it holds for me, but I hope California is in it somewhere, as well as Japan! I'm really looking forward to applying for the JET Program to go teach English in Japan for a year. I'm also looking into grad schools and hopefully working out how to get my butt out to CA again, whether permanent or temporary.

As always, I wish you all love, and thanks for reading!

<3 always,