Wednesday, July 6, 2011


Agape refers to a very selfless kind of love, like the love God has for Her children. It can also be used when describing how people love each other. Yes, people do love each other in very different ways, I am more the pragmatic type of lover, with Agape and Storge thrown in there, a little bit of Mania and very small amounts of Ludus and Eros. Okay, I have you lost, I know, but I will explain what all of these mean very shortly. I'm going to go over a little bit of the love styles so you can get a feel for each of them before I jump into more about agape.

Storge: Love is a friendship.  Storge lovers like the security of being able to predict behaviors, and are not bored by routine home activity.  These are the people that can still remain friends after they break up.

Agape: Agape lovers put their partner before themselves.  They are very forgiving and loving by nature, and they are very patient.  They would break up if they thought that their partner would be happier with someone else.  

Mania: Tend to be more obsessive and very dependent on their partners.  They are happy when they are with their partner, but are sad without them.  Sometimes they manipulate their partners feelings.  Their emotions are tied to their partners.  These are the people that get sick if they are fighting with their partner or experience physical symptoms that will equal how secure they are feeling in their relationship.  Think Bella from New Moon after Edward leaves her.  

Pragma: Pragma lovers look realistically at what they want in a partner, they usually have a list of qualities and attributes they would like their partner to have and  they do no settle.  Pragma are very loyal and mature.

Ludus:  Ludus lovers do not like dependency and shy away from commitment.  Love is like a game to them.  Many times they will keep someone on the back burner, just in case something doesn't work out with their current interest.  Ludus would rather find someone new than try to work out their current problems in a relationship. Think very high school and immature.  

Eros:  Eros lovers put a great deal of emphasis on emotional feelings.  They believe in the concept of love at first sight and tend to be monogamous.  They rush into "expression of feelings".... so sex comes early in the relationship.  Think Romeo and Juliet.  

          Most people are not only one type of lover, humans are complex and experience feelings that we cannot and do not always have to justify.  If you're emotionally hurt or impacted by something WAY more then a friend of yours would be, it's totally legit. 
          I for example, am very stubborn and wear my emotions on my sleeve.  This makes it easier to hurt me when I get close to someone because I usually fall hard and fast and don't always take a safety net with me.  I need a lot of time to heal and sometimes the scars can never go away.  When someone impacts your life in any way, they become a part of who you are and what has made you who you are.  That's why break-ups can be so hard, even if they are mutual.  
           One of my biggest fears in relationshops is that I'm so easy to get over and easily forgettable, while I will be hung up on someone for years.  I once had a crush on a guy for over 4 years in High School and through my first to second year of college.

Okay, so I wanted to talk a little bit more about Agape love.  I was thinking about love in general the other day while talking to my friend Karen.  Here is the gist of what we discussed and the epiphany I had:

True love/ Agape love should not be and is not conditional to how close or far away you are from someone. 

There is no time limit on love, love does not care about limitations, because it knows none.

When you make friends that you keep for life, you may not always be right with them, or in the same state or country for that matter, but that doesn't mean you love them any less. Same with family; no matter how far apart your lives bring you, you're still related and you still love each other. Even when children grow up, leave the nest, have families of their own, and only visit once every 2 years, that love does not care about time or space. Time and space are material limitations for which agape love transcends. 

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